Sex is great fun and most of the time we can enjoy it without any hassles. However just about all of us, at some point in our lives, experience some kind of difficulty with sex. In fact, only about 2% of gay men say that they've never experienced any difficulties with sex. Difficulties can range from feeling worried or anxious about sex, through to not being able to get it up or be fucked. 

The good news is that most sexual difficulties can be helped. Since most difficulties are a combination of psychological and physical issues, a variety of different responses might be needed. For just about everything though, a good place to start is with a good gay-friendly doctor or counsellor.

Sexual difficulties can include:

• Lack of interest or desire for sex
• Difficulties with erections
• Difficulties with ejaculation
• Difficulties with fucking
• Difficulties with being fucked
• Lack of knowledge about anal sex

Common issues

Condoms

Using the right condom and lube can help to maintain an erection. Standard condoms, such as the ones you get for free from ACON, aren’t always the same size. Some might have smaller rings or some might be larger. It might be wise to explore and invest in larger size or tighter fit condoms. The way you put on a condom might also play a role. Sometimes putting on a condom can seem like it has the effect of almost pushing the blood out of the penis, particularly if the guy has a larger penis-head and has difficulty getting the condom over it.

Drugs and Alcohol

Drugs and alcohol may affect your ability to get it up. However, drugs often affect people in different ways. Some guys get “speed-dick” (i.e. can’t get a hard-on) on crystal or speed, while others get raging hard-ons and want to fuck like crazy. Many gay men are using Viagra recreationally, especially if they want to have long sessions of sex.Viagra should NEVER be used with amyl as both work by increasing the size of blood vessels. People with heart issues should also be very careful with Viagra.

Toys and Aids

Some men like to use cock-rings to help them keep their erections. Cock-rings can do this by trapping the blood in the erection for longer.

Psychological Factors

Stress and anxiety tend to be erection-killers. As with most sexual activities, being relaxed is a key factor. If stress or anxiety is a problem then you should look into finding a way to solve it.  Learn some relaxation techniques, talk to a counsellor, learn to listen better to your body, or pay attention to your psychological state. Again, as with all sexual difficulties, if you’ve tried a few of the simple solutions, see a doctor or counsellor for more help.

More info

ACON runs workshops with gay men that cover sexual difficulties and how to solve them. Arse Class focuses on anal health and pleasure while our Better Sex Workshop focuses on sexual techniques. 

Contact: ACON's Peer Education Team

Tel: (02) 9206 2000
Free Call: 1800 063 060
Hearing Impaired: (02) 9283 2088

Email: groups@acon.org.au