Getting better at sex

Many people hold the view that sex should be something that just comes naturally to all of us. But the truth is we all learn how to have sex - from experience, reading or talking about it.

So if sex is something that we learn, does that mean we can all learn how to get better at it? Yes!  Even if we're a really great lover, all of us can afford to learn more about how to make sex more pleasurable for both ourselves and our partners.

Getting better at sex involves learning about the human anatomy - why do certain things feel pleasurable while others don’t?  Why do some people like one thing while others hate it? Getting better at sex means having an open mind, curiosity, and an understanding that we’re all different in our desires and preferences. 

Top tips

Keep an open mind

This means recognising that we don’t know everything and that there is an awful lot of information out there about sex that we could discover. Having an open mind means that we might be willing to try out something new - or at least think about it. Most importantly, this is about recognising that sex is just like any other skill - we can learn to be become better at it. The key is to get the right information and have lots and lots of practice! 

Pay attention to your body

Being aware of our own bodies is vital for us to learn how to experience more pleasure. During sex, we’re often so focused on the other person, or getting off, that we don’t necessarily pay much attention to what we actually like. Next time you have sex or even just have a wank, why not try paying really close attention to how your body feels? How does it respond to different kinds of sensations? What feels good and what doesn’t? 

Pay attention to him

Now that you’ve learnt all about your own body, you can apply the same ideas to your partners’. What does his body language tell you? Does he say what he likes or does he communicate without words? You can learn a lot about what your sex partner likes just by paying attention. 

Communication is key

Communication is vital to having good sex. Communication doesn’t always mean having a conversation - it can be non-verbal. Sometimes it’s a really good idea to discuss your sex life openly with your sex partner/s. You may be surprised at what you learn! 

Find out new information

There is now a huge amount of information available about sex. There are books, resources, videos, websites, and workshops on the topic. Just like with anything else in life, knowledge is power. Find out everything you can from a variety of sources. 

Try new things

Now put what you’ve learnt into practice! Sometimes we just stick to what we know which may be fine but it also means that we might not be exploring what else is out there. Just make sure to always feel safe. Pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone is a good thing but feeling really unsafe isn’t.

More info

ACON runs workshops with gay men that cover sexual difficulties and how to solve them. Arse Class focuses on anal health and pleasure while our Better Sex Workshop focuses on sexual techniques. 

Contact: ACON's Peer Education Team

Tel: (02) 9206 2000
Free Call: 1800 063 060
Hearing Impaired: (02) 9283 2088

Email: groups@acon.org.au