Women's Health

Sex + Ethics

Having safe sex isn’t always about preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Safe sex is also about making sure you and your partners feel comfortable in your experiences of sex.

Boundaries

It can be useful to think about your boundaries before you get into a sexual situation.

You may not find some things enjoyable and that’s ok, other things you might really love doing but don’t know how to ask for. Thinking about what you like and don’t like is an individual exercise that you should try and do before you get into a situation where you have to make decisions about sex with others. It can be fun to test your comfort zones but this should ultimately be your decision.

Throughout your sexual experience you may find out you enjoy new things that you never thought you’d try. There is room for expanding your sexual expression but it is up to you how, when, why, with whom and even if you will do that.

Examples of some people’s boundaries are:

Not being comfortable having sex when wasted or ‘out of it’
Not having sex on a first date
The person I’m having sex with must be sobre
Tonight I would like to make out but I don’t want to take off my pants
I do want to go home with her but I don’t want to have sex with her

Communication

It's great to know what you want and what you don’t want but it’s not of much use unless you can communicate those wants to others. Communication is really important for looking after yourself and your partners. People communicate in a variety of ways that can be categorised into two themes verbal and non verbal.

During sex a lot of communication occurs that is not verbal. Your partner may move your hand. She might pull you closer. You might squeeze her hand or open your body up to her. All of these actions can have different meanings. Try to talk to your partner/s about what she wants. Pay attention to her non verbal communication and try to learn her expressions of like and dislike.

Using your knowledge of yourself and being aware of your partner, her body, her boundaries and her desires can really strengthen your sex life. Try to allow your partner access to your boundaries and desires as well.

Consent

Sometimes sex can be messy, confusing or complicated. People give consent in a variety of ways and also express disinterest and ‘no’ in a variety of ways. Saying ‘no’ can be very difficult. Try to treat others how you wish to be treated. Check in with your partners about how they are feeling and if they are comfortable with what is happening. This can be as simple as asking “is this okay?” Partners generally appreciate this opportunity to redirect the sex, stop or encourage you to go harder, faster or deeper.

Sexual Assault

One in four Australian women have experienced sexual assault at some point in their lives. Sexual assault does happen in the GLBT community. Sometimes women sexually assault other women. If you have been sexually assaulted and would like some support you can get in touch with ACON counselling.